Senior Pictures Done!

So, I went to get my senior pictures done today. It was pretty cool. I will say this: the photographer has no idea that she hit the jackpot when she took us to "China Alley" (or so said the sign). She didn't know my pure obsession for any and all things anime and manga related, or just anything related to the Asian culture in general.

And it was pretty cool. I liked the pictures of me with the books, and the violin pictures were pretty awesome. I might post a picture on here, but probably not. Who knows.

And after pictures? I ran into an old coworker. It was weird. She is the last person I ever expected to run into again, only because I never talked to her, and never really thought much on chatting with her. However, I had thought about her a couple of days ago...creepy... Oh well.

Well, it is almost midnight here where I am. I should probably sign off.

Sayonara! Good night!

Cats and the Star-Spangled Banner

Cats are the evil spawn of the world. Really. They hate me. They know I am allergic to them and yet they come up to me and want to be best buddies with me. As if Mister! You are the reason I have been sneezing all week long, buster!

So in case you did not know. I do not like cats, but cats love me. A little bit too much...

So. Normally, as you may have found out in my last post, I like to stay away from things that make me cry. Today, my friends decided to indirectly bring up the topic that makes me cry. All by saying that the principal wants me to sing at graduation . As if. Everyone at school knows it is going to be one of my friends because said band teacher in previous post has favorites and she is one of the and I am on the I-hate-your-singin-but-I-can't-tell-you-this list. But I would like to sing the Star-Spangled Banner at graduation. By myself. Because for once, I want to show everyone that I can sing just as well as my friend can, and that they need to stop worshiping just a few people and look at the whole range of talented singers at the school. For example, another friend of mine is terrified of singing because she is afraid to be compared to my friend and I. She also thinks that one girl in school who tries to sing Adele should just stop trying. And I honestly agree. She doesn't have the power to do certain lyrics of Rolling in the Deep. And I am also tired of hearing Adele anyway. I am just plain tired of being second rate to the people who the band teacher likes. Because the band teacher is not everyone. He can't decide everything. He is not the almighty judge of music. And, I love my friend (singer friend), but when you insult the one music teacher who thinks I am good, the one teacher who knows the struggles I go through musically because of my music education's blank spots, I am not going to be a happy camper. The band teacher seems to ignore the fact that not all schools have a choir, or a orchestra. Stringed instruments, the classical stringed instruments, are no longer in schools. All they have in schools now is the brass and woodwinds because no one wants to pay the costs of having a highly beneficial program like orchestra in their schools anymore. Because the instruments are a little difficult to learn.

But why can't anyone handle that challenge? Because they are weak. They are afraid to learn something that people used to be able to easily learn in the past because they like the safety of frets and buttons.

Let them be weak.

Emotional Stress Kills

So, I am usually not the type to get sick. In general, I like to think that my immune system is rather capable of fighting off enemies without a problem. But what happens? I feel sick. and it all started yesterday during PE when I ran the mile. First was cramps, which is to be expected when you run a little too fast for your body. I got a good time, but in general, I ran a bit too fast in the first two laps of ten and combined with weaving to get through people to make my time, I just didn't think through my actions those first two laps. So I got a cramp. And when the cramp went away, I suddenly felt like throwing up and I had to get water to keep myself from doing so. But as much as i didn't throw up, I still feel like I am about to loose some bodily organ as of right now. And what makes it worse is that my friends noticed that I don't feel too good. And that makes me feel worse and bad because I am causing them worry and that stresses me out a bit more by causing me to want to puck my non-existent breakfast even more. And I am not the only one feeling the wooziness. Another of my friends is not feeling to hot at the moment either. I am just assuming that something is going around and is making its rounds to everyone.

And to top it off, people keep asking me why I won't go to the band concert on Friday. I don't feel like telling certain people the reason is because certain people that are participating just force me to face the fact that particular people think I am horrible. Yes, everyone says I am an amazing singer, but this year in particular, people just make me feel like I am going to commit music suicide if I bother to sing in public, and it just causes me so much stress, and I am forcing myself to remove me from those situations because it is my  Achilles Heel, and it causes me to by the older brother, and I hate being an older brother. My pastor on Sunday was talking about it on Sunday, and it brought back memories from a previous sermon from a while ago that said to remove yourself from self-depreciating activities and/or people. And I recognized that participating in that particular activity hurt me too much. It showed me that not everyone appreciated how hard I  tried. And really, it hurt me to think that in spite of my talent, I was never going to be good enough for the a-hole who was in charge, because he had favorites, and he knew, deep down, that music is only a hobby and not something I planned to use as an everyday thing. I am just so tired of people taking his side, of telling me that he is only trying to help me. If he was trying to help me, he wouldn't downgrade me in front of everyone then turn around and say, do you still want to do this song, ten minutes after he said he hated the performance of the song, hated when I sung it. That is not is not helping me; that is degrading, and hurtful, and offensive, and just flat out bastardly to do.

So I am thinking that part of the reason I am not feeling well is because of my tendencies to bottle things up inside, to tell myself that I will only hurt feelings if I speak what is on my mind. Emotional stress is a killer.

Cyberbully

I am watching it right now, and I realized that this movie is based on a story I heard on the news. I remember something about this. Anyway, as I watch this, I realize that all the more, I feel as though I need to take a stand on a bigger stage. I have given a speech on bullying during AcaDeca, I have written essays and articles about the topic. And the movie makes the idea come to life. You hear all the time about kids attempting suicide all the time, some succeeding.

I just wish the guy could always get the girl that way, standing up like that.

What I really like about this movie is that the girl stands and makes herself stand up, be strong, and accept that she cannot do everything on her own, but she understood that she also need to work on it herself.

I definitely recommend this movie to anyone. Just a warning: it is a tear-jerker.