A Day in the Life: Thoughts on Spending

Konni'chiwa!

I finally moved out -- and was given internet access after a couple months, too! Yeah, exciting.

So, the curious thing about not being at home anymore is that I actually get along with my mom now. Weird, right? Not really. It has been my personal observation that people tend to get along with their parents more after they move out, mostly because they aren't around them 24/7.

I splurged. Most of my first chance to actually go to the store and shop was spent on anime. I know. Bad I.L.K 13. I just couldn't help it. FYE had my favorite anime series on sale! And they were the only copies in the store. And to top it off, I found the anime section in my local carry-it-all store. Seriously. The world is against me saving money. The planet's just don't like the idea. It is a good thing that I go to the bank and transfer money to my savings before I touch it each payday. Pay yourself first. That is what everyone says, and believe me. It pays off in the end. I am doing it and I have saved a million times faster than I did in high school -- granted I am making about three times the amount I did every paycheck than I did in high school. Still, it is seriously crazy how much advice I can give to people now.

But I also think that saving is not the only thing you have to do. You also need to spend or else you will always be worrying. You can't be worrying all the time. I personally plan on spending money on a new laptop. I just spent over a hundred bucks on a new cell phone and am giving the parental unit $70 a month to stay on their plan. I am going to be getting my own internatet here soon, if I am able to. And everyone knows that McDonald's does more than make you fat. In the end, my advice is to not waste what you make by saving or splurging all the time. You need to balance it.

Well, seeing as I suddenly have nothing interesting to write about anymore, I will not torture you with attempts.

Signing off!

Sayonara!

InuLoveKawaii13

Insanity

Ok, so I decided to order this work out DVD set from Beach Body called insanity because I heard from a few people in my recruiting station that It is an amazing workout. Due to this, I may or may not be able to participate in PT. I might decide to sit there and look pretty and watch everyone else until I get used to Insanity. who knows. I just want to know how my recruiter found out about it. All I have to say it that it better work because it is costing me $155 and some odd change. This better work!

I have seen results for myself, however, so I think I am making a wise investment. I need to tone anyway. And I need to lose the weight. I just hope it tone the thighs as well. I might make my sister exercise with me. That would be fun. Plus, I need a work out buddy. I might ask a fellow recruit if she seriously would like to do this with me.

Who knows. I have to get it before I can actually decide anything at the moment.

Later! I should shower and go to bed now. Long day tomorrow!

Senior Pictures Done!

So, I went to get my senior pictures done today. It was pretty cool. I will say this: the photographer has no idea that she hit the jackpot when she took us to "China Alley" (or so said the sign). She didn't know my pure obsession for any and all things anime and manga related, or just anything related to the Asian culture in general.

And it was pretty cool. I liked the pictures of me with the books, and the violin pictures were pretty awesome. I might post a picture on here, but probably not. Who knows.

And after pictures? I ran into an old coworker. It was weird. She is the last person I ever expected to run into again, only because I never talked to her, and never really thought much on chatting with her. However, I had thought about her a couple of days ago...creepy... Oh well.

Well, it is almost midnight here where I am. I should probably sign off.

Sayonara! Good night!

Cats and the Star-Spangled Banner

Cats are the evil spawn of the world. Really. They hate me. They know I am allergic to them and yet they come up to me and want to be best buddies with me. As if Mister! You are the reason I have been sneezing all week long, buster!

So in case you did not know. I do not like cats, but cats love me. A little bit too much...

So. Normally, as you may have found out in my last post, I like to stay away from things that make me cry. Today, my friends decided to indirectly bring up the topic that makes me cry. All by saying that the principal wants me to sing at graduation . As if. Everyone at school knows it is going to be one of my friends because said band teacher in previous post has favorites and she is one of the and I am on the I-hate-your-singin-but-I-can't-tell-you-this list. But I would like to sing the Star-Spangled Banner at graduation. By myself. Because for once, I want to show everyone that I can sing just as well as my friend can, and that they need to stop worshiping just a few people and look at the whole range of talented singers at the school. For example, another friend of mine is terrified of singing because she is afraid to be compared to my friend and I. She also thinks that one girl in school who tries to sing Adele should just stop trying. And I honestly agree. She doesn't have the power to do certain lyrics of Rolling in the Deep. And I am also tired of hearing Adele anyway. I am just plain tired of being second rate to the people who the band teacher likes. Because the band teacher is not everyone. He can't decide everything. He is not the almighty judge of music. And, I love my friend (singer friend), but when you insult the one music teacher who thinks I am good, the one teacher who knows the struggles I go through musically because of my music education's blank spots, I am not going to be a happy camper. The band teacher seems to ignore the fact that not all schools have a choir, or a orchestra. Stringed instruments, the classical stringed instruments, are no longer in schools. All they have in schools now is the brass and woodwinds because no one wants to pay the costs of having a highly beneficial program like orchestra in their schools anymore. Because the instruments are a little difficult to learn.

But why can't anyone handle that challenge? Because they are weak. They are afraid to learn something that people used to be able to easily learn in the past because they like the safety of frets and buttons.

Let them be weak.

Emotional Stress Kills

So, I am usually not the type to get sick. In general, I like to think that my immune system is rather capable of fighting off enemies without a problem. But what happens? I feel sick. and it all started yesterday during PE when I ran the mile. First was cramps, which is to be expected when you run a little too fast for your body. I got a good time, but in general, I ran a bit too fast in the first two laps of ten and combined with weaving to get through people to make my time, I just didn't think through my actions those first two laps. So I got a cramp. And when the cramp went away, I suddenly felt like throwing up and I had to get water to keep myself from doing so. But as much as i didn't throw up, I still feel like I am about to loose some bodily organ as of right now. And what makes it worse is that my friends noticed that I don't feel too good. And that makes me feel worse and bad because I am causing them worry and that stresses me out a bit more by causing me to want to puck my non-existent breakfast even more. And I am not the only one feeling the wooziness. Another of my friends is not feeling to hot at the moment either. I am just assuming that something is going around and is making its rounds to everyone.

And to top it off, people keep asking me why I won't go to the band concert on Friday. I don't feel like telling certain people the reason is because certain people that are participating just force me to face the fact that particular people think I am horrible. Yes, everyone says I am an amazing singer, but this year in particular, people just make me feel like I am going to commit music suicide if I bother to sing in public, and it just causes me so much stress, and I am forcing myself to remove me from those situations because it is my  Achilles Heel, and it causes me to by the older brother, and I hate being an older brother. My pastor on Sunday was talking about it on Sunday, and it brought back memories from a previous sermon from a while ago that said to remove yourself from self-depreciating activities and/or people. And I recognized that participating in that particular activity hurt me too much. It showed me that not everyone appreciated how hard I  tried. And really, it hurt me to think that in spite of my talent, I was never going to be good enough for the a-hole who was in charge, because he had favorites, and he knew, deep down, that music is only a hobby and not something I planned to use as an everyday thing. I am just so tired of people taking his side, of telling me that he is only trying to help me. If he was trying to help me, he wouldn't downgrade me in front of everyone then turn around and say, do you still want to do this song, ten minutes after he said he hated the performance of the song, hated when I sung it. That is not is not helping me; that is degrading, and hurtful, and offensive, and just flat out bastardly to do.

So I am thinking that part of the reason I am not feeling well is because of my tendencies to bottle things up inside, to tell myself that I will only hurt feelings if I speak what is on my mind. Emotional stress is a killer.

Cyberbully

I am watching it right now, and I realized that this movie is based on a story I heard on the news. I remember something about this. Anyway, as I watch this, I realize that all the more, I feel as though I need to take a stand on a bigger stage. I have given a speech on bullying during AcaDeca, I have written essays and articles about the topic. And the movie makes the idea come to life. You hear all the time about kids attempting suicide all the time, some succeeding.

I just wish the guy could always get the girl that way, standing up like that.

What I really like about this movie is that the girl stands and makes herself stand up, be strong, and accept that she cannot do everything on her own, but she understood that she also need to work on it herself.

I definitely recommend this movie to anyone. Just a warning: it is a tear-jerker.

Tied Together With A Smile

All of my friends know I am not the biggest fan of Taylor Swift, but the above song has been on my mind like a the Plague. I just seem to be a personification of that song at that moment. Especially when Swift sing "tied together with a smile, but you're coming undone." It rings much too close for comfort. Especially here lately when in relation to the school contemporary band club. I just feel as if I am trying to keep up this front when I just was to curl up, cry, and just block the world out.

My question is this: why do I put myself through this? Why do I put myself in a position where I know I will get hurt? (Albeit I didn't think I would get hurt here, in this situation.) Better yet, how come, when I stand up for my own self, I get told to stop being a crybaby, but when someone else comments, suddenly people are like, oh wait, yeah. We do antagonize her beyond reason. And it even depends on the person, because some people do not save me when they speak up. I don't understand the need to tell me I am not good enough. I already feel bad enough about myself. I don't need some jacka** telling me what my head repeats like a mantra. "Please everyone else. Don't step over  the boundaries you set up. Don't be yourself. And whatever you do: do not show that you are being broken down, every day, every minute, with every comment made."

I find it harder to smile every time. It is impossible for me to sit down and say I am fine, without looking away and hiding the tears building in my tear-ducks. and I don't want people to worry. I don't want them to watch me everyday, but, in my never ending conundrum of a life, I want people to finally take notice of the idea that maybe I am sick and tired and just in need of a gigantic scream. I need to scream and pout and throw a tantrum, but I can't. I can't throw a tantrum. My too ingrained social courtesy and civility is demanding proper etiquette in public, even if I am still quirky.

Funny how someone can be tied together, with their last piece of hope, thrown into a smile. Funny how they will end up completely broken  if someone takes away that last shred of sanity. I just hope no one takes it from me.

Jerky

So, selling jerky is not easy to do. Our teacher tells us to sell jerky, but the jerky we are asked to sell, she wants to sell for $2 a small package. No one wants to buy jerky for two dollars. Especially when you get .8 oz. It is barely worth it. So who gets to eat the jerky? Me. I also get to pay close to $70 for my thirty-odd bags of jerky. I have sold three bags. I ate...around...ten...of...them.... I have to buy them all anyway!

Anywho. Getting off the depressing topic of failed fundraisers, I am making excellent headway in my fan fictions. I have gotten a few chapters into my Iris Petals. I am hitting to the almost end of the arc. I might have a couple more chapters before I am back in Konohagakure. And I started a new fiction, Wandering Romance Unwavering. I am really excited about this one. It is about Lily and James, from Harry Potter. I love them so much. I am really happy with this story.

And as I am typing this, I am uncomfortably aware of the fact that I have homework due tomorrow. So I am hitting the virtual road and signing off.

Sayonara!

Too Many eMails....

So, I was looking at my emails today and realized I have WAY too many of them. I decided to go through them, and delete and possibly just write them down. Most of them are challenges for Harry Potter Fan Fiction -- some of which is actually pretty good. So, overall, I am getting back into the groove of writing fan fictions again.

Honestly, I think I should try to use these challenge ideas to help me get through my fan fiction chapters as the stress of getting chapters out gets to me at times. Something I discovered that helps me is to listen to a song, write for the song whatever pops into my head -- a stream of conscience per say -- and it frees up my mind and gives me new material to post all at once.

So, as I sit here, typing away, I will also write about last night. The most curious thing happened -- by the way, this is getting off topic from my fan fiction quabbles from earlier -- around seven or so. I was busy doing who cares what -- even I can't remember. I think I was messing around with said computer on my lap. The poor thing gets death threats quite often from your truly. You would think it would work for fear of it's life, but no, it does not. Then my cell phone goes off. I see a number I don't recognize, and thought maybe one of my friends got a new number or something and thus texted them back, thinking it cojld also be a coworker asking me to cover their shift and they texted the wrong number -- some of them have my number.

It was neither of the formerly stated. It was someone from a completely different state who I have no clue as to who they were. They were completely new to me and I honestly expected them to not continue talking to me via words on a cell phone screen. But they did. And I discovered that this person is very curious. He is very smart for his age and has some book suggestions that I am actually curious about -- and this is from a kid who is younger than me. My only fault in him was that he dissed my Harry Potter as not interesting. But I will admit that I let this slide. I am unfortunately horrible at holding grudges to the fault. I have only one lasting grudge and it is helped by the one I hold the grudge against -- and really, it is more of a don't care thing. I have forgiven her. I just don't plan to forget what the whole grudge was about. Anywho.

So that was my exciting night. Really, I kind of liked the kid. He really kept up a good conversation. i wonder if he will ever contact me again. I told him he could. Anyways, I should go back to clearing out my email. Might be good to do.

Later.

Long Time No Write.

I just look back on my last post, from over a year ago and wonder, when did I forget about this? Oopsy, ILK. You need to get back into the game. Maybe you should take this as a chance to keep with the weight loss you are attempting. It may work. So.

As an attempt to actually lose weight, I will now be writing about various aspects about my life that I am changing. Hope this works. Maybe I will actually succeed in writing on this blog for once.

A note: I failed NaNoWriMo. I hate November in general, if only because no one gives anyone time in November.

Another note: check me out on fanfiction: www.fanfiction.net/~InuLoveKawaii13