26 March 2012

Tied Together With A Smile

All of my friends know I am not the biggest fan of Taylor Swift, but the above song has been on my mind like a the Plague. I just seem to be a personification of that song at that moment. Especially when Swift sing "tied together with a smile, but you're coming undone." It rings much too close for comfort. Especially here lately when in relation to the school contemporary band club. I just feel as if I am trying to keep up this front when I just was to curl up, cry, and just block the world out.

My question is this: why do I put myself through this? Why do I put myself in a position where I know I will get hurt? (Albeit I didn't think I would get hurt here, in this situation.) Better yet, how come, when I stand up for my own self, I get told to stop being a crybaby, but when someone else comments, suddenly people are like, oh wait, yeah. We do antagonize her beyond reason. And it even depends on the person, because some people do not save me when they speak up. I don't understand the need to tell me I am not good enough. I already feel bad enough about myself. I don't need some jacka** telling me what my head repeats like a mantra. "Please everyone else. Don't step over  the boundaries you set up. Don't be yourself. And whatever you do: do not show that you are being broken down, every day, every minute, with every comment made."

I find it harder to smile every time. It is impossible for me to sit down and say I am fine, without looking away and hiding the tears building in my tear-ducks. and I don't want people to worry. I don't want them to watch me everyday, but, in my never ending conundrum of a life, I want people to finally take notice of the idea that maybe I am sick and tired and just in need of a gigantic scream. I need to scream and pout and throw a tantrum, but I can't. I can't throw a tantrum. My too ingrained social courtesy and civility is demanding proper etiquette in public, even if I am still quirky.

Funny how someone can be tied together, with their last piece of hope, thrown into a smile. Funny how they will end up completely broken  if someone takes away that last shred of sanity. I just hope no one takes it from me.

22 March 2012

Jerky

So, selling jerky is not easy to do. Our teacher tells us to sell jerky, but the jerky we are asked to sell, she wants to sell for $2 a small package. No one wants to buy jerky for two dollars. Especially when you get .8 oz. It is barely worth it. So who gets to eat the jerky? Me. I also get to pay close to $70 for my thirty-odd bags of jerky. I have sold three bags. I ate...around...ten...of...them.... I have to buy them all anyway!

Anywho. Getting off the depressing topic of failed fundraisers, I am making excellent headway in my fan fictions. I have gotten a few chapters into my Iris Petals. I am hitting to the almost end of the arc. I might have a couple more chapters before I am back in Konohagakure. And I started a new fiction, Wandering Romance Unwavering. I am really excited about this one. It is about Lily and James, from Harry Potter. I love them so much. I am really happy with this story.

And as I am typing this, I am uncomfortably aware of the fact that I have homework due tomorrow. So I am hitting the virtual road and signing off.

Sayonara!

21 March 2012

Too Many eMails....

So, I was looking at my emails today and realized I have WAY too many of them. I decided to go through them, and delete and possibly just write them down. Most of them are challenges for Harry Potter Fan Fiction -- some of which is actually pretty good. So, overall, I am getting back into the groove of writing fan fictions again.

Honestly, I think I should try to use these challenge ideas to help me get through my fan fiction chapters as the stress of getting chapters out gets to me at times. Something I discovered that helps me is to listen to a song, write for the song whatever pops into my head -- a stream of conscience per say -- and it frees up my mind and gives me new material to post all at once.

So, as I sit here, typing away, I will also write about last night. The most curious thing happened -- by the way, this is getting off topic from my fan fiction quabbles from earlier -- around seven or so. I was busy doing who cares what -- even I can't remember. I think I was messing around with said computer on my lap. The poor thing gets death threats quite often from your truly. You would think it would work for fear of it's life, but no, it does not. Then my cell phone goes off. I see a number I don't recognize, and thought maybe one of my friends got a new number or something and thus texted them back, thinking it cojld also be a coworker asking me to cover their shift and they texted the wrong number -- some of them have my number.

It was neither of the formerly stated. It was someone from a completely different state who I have no clue as to who they were. They were completely new to me and I honestly expected them to not continue talking to me via words on a cell phone screen. But they did. And I discovered that this person is very curious. He is very smart for his age and has some book suggestions that I am actually curious about -- and this is from a kid who is younger than me. My only fault in him was that he dissed my Harry Potter as not interesting. But I will admit that I let this slide. I am unfortunately horrible at holding grudges to the fault. I have only one lasting grudge and it is helped by the one I hold the grudge against -- and really, it is more of a don't care thing. I have forgiven her. I just don't plan to forget what the whole grudge was about. Anywho.

So that was my exciting night. Really, I kind of liked the kid. He really kept up a good conversation. i wonder if he will ever contact me again. I told him he could. Anyways, I should go back to clearing out my email. Might be good to do.

Later.

17 March 2012

Long Time No Write.

I just look back on my last post, from over a year ago and wonder, when did I forget about this? Oopsy, ILK. You need to get back into the game. Maybe you should take this as a chance to keep with the weight loss you are attempting. It may work. So.

As an attempt to actually lose weight, I will now be writing about various aspects about my life that I am changing. Hope this works. Maybe I will actually succeed in writing on this blog for once.

A note: I failed NaNoWriMo. I hate November in general, if only because no one gives anyone time in November.

Another note: check me out on fanfiction: www.fanfiction.net/~InuLoveKawaii13

11 November 2010

NaNoWriMo Day 11

Okay, so I have decided that this year I will participate in NaNoWriMo, and I have started. My discovery? The world is against me! Yeah, I have enough words to be on the catchup game, but only on paper! On my computer, I have typed at least 2,300 words -- way behind! On paper, I have four chapters, and at least 20,000 words -- and chapter four isn't really done yet either. So, Aside from minor set backs, please pray for me on my road to getting 50,000 words in one month. I hope I can do this!

And to top it all off, my mother constantly calls upon me to do stuff and to say things like "You need to get dressed for the day!" (Why? Do I have to get dressed to sit around all day and do nothing?) or "(Insert my name)! Do your chores now!" and "(Insert my name), I need you to get some clothes on and run this dish next door!" Why must the world be against me?! I am, however, very enthusiastic -- in spite of all the issues my world is bringing to me.

I WILL PREVAIL!

01 August 2010

Why?!

Oh my gosh! I completely forgot. I also found a counterpart for my Neji story. What can I say? I have a wondering mind! I need to exit out of that document, now that I think about it...

Oh well, sayonara!

Why, oh, why!

Ooo! I know I should be courteous and kind, but gah! Why doesit always seem to me that whenever the mother is sick, the world has to bow down at their feet, but when the kid is sick, they have to bow down at the mothers feet still? I never understood that, but oh well. I will never understand this and never plan on figuring out the mystery ever. But I still think it is unfair.

One thing I am upset about is the dismissal of OneManga.com. I am particularly hurt because I almost always go onto this site. Although I understand the reasoning behind the dismissal of the site's dislodging on the online reader, I still think that publishers should understand. Some people cannot physically afford to go out and buy the manga. And sometimes the parents do not like their child reading and watching anime and manga because they feel it is not good for them. Alas, OneManga.com will be missed. It may come back up, but not likely to happen....

I am officially almost done with my college class! I have literally two things left to do: my Final Presentation PowerPoint and the final Discussion Question. I am so, so, so excited about this. and the week after school will be starting! I am so excited school is coming soon! I have had nothing to do all summer aside from dull chores and my college course. All the excitement ended after VBA 2010 ended. I so miss VBA. It gave me something to do and it was a miracle experience. Oh, it will be missed. I can't wait for 2011's VBA. I will definitely be helping with song crew again. But then again, that means I have college to look at and choose a school. I have to admit, I have been getting better at making decisions. I guess it comes with being the hidden leader of the AniManga Club at my school.

Iris Petals is coming along fairly well. I think this next chapter will definitely be exciting. I am having fun imagining the chapter as mentioned by Karol in her blog, I sometimes wish thoughts could automatically go onto the paper so that you could go directly to the place you want to be. But sometimes, it is more fun to work things out on your own instead of taking the short cut. It is also more fulfilling. What can I say? I am a weirdo sometimes. In this latest chapter, however, I will give you a cheat-cheat secret: Tsume comes home from a mission and is NOT happy about the sudden addition for the Inuzuka household (Kiba's, as I assume there is more than one family of Inuzuka in the Hidden Leaf Village). There is some humor, shock, and revealing of attitude in this chapter. Go to my quizilla, InuLoveKawaii13, to read the story in full.

Well, I have not much to say, so I guess I will log off and finish writing that chapter for Iris Petals and edit all the previous chapters.

22 July 2010

Randomness

Okay, so I thought I would just point out that I am completely crazy. I am relatively calm and relaxed and yet I have the craziest schedule at the moment -- all due to the procrastination of heavenly proportions. I still have to study for my Final Nutrition test, do the Fact Sheet for the third Demo of the class, and work on the final demo and project, a 8 to 10 slide power point on the nutritional information of a food for my college course. And that does not include the discussion boards themselves.
On top of school work, I also have to finish my next chapter for Iris Petals, do chores, and get ready for my junior year in high school, and then I will have even MORE work, what with Academic Decathlon and regular school work. And I am being completely serious about being relaxed. Am I crazy or what?
But on a bright side, I am catching up on my celeb gossip. It is amazing how little I have paid attention to any of that since I entered high school. I only just recently found out about Demi and Selena no longer being BFF's and discovered the reason I stopped reading people's comments on such news like that: such disrespect for people and all the horrid language. I mean, seriously, do you have to put the F word after every single word you put about a celebrity just because you do not like them?
I mean, look at Miley Cyrus. Whenever someone posts something about her, BOOM! "Miley is a b**** and a s**t." "She is a whore." She needs to go die!" Seriously? What do people get out of making comments like that? What makes you think that other people give a hoot about what you think about certain celebrities. You do not see me bashing Taylor Swift just because I am not a big fan of her attitude over ex's, especially famous ones. I would never publicly, in my blog, bash Taylor over her past break-ups.
I now am telling myself that I will never look at comments again. I seriously wish people would recognize that people like Miley, the Jonas Brothers, and Demi are not going to remain fourteen for the rest of their lives. They have to grow up at some point.
I attempted to draw Inuzuka Kiba and here is what I discovered: he was one chubby kid. At least in the face. When I was drawing him, I discovered that I need to 1) practice drawing guy hair again, and 2) I need to practice my eyes. I felt very satisfied with Akamaru. And the picture is overall very well drawn, but I feel that is was a bit off. Oh well. I will post a picture whenever I load one onto my computer. Maybe the next time I am on.
I am pleasantly surprised at the turn of events Kaichou wa Maid-sama is taking. Misaki is finally willing to tell Usui that she likes him and just as she is about to tell him, BOOM! Usui tells her now is not the time to be telling him that and for her to tell him at a later time. I am seriously concerned now. I desperately hope that Usui will not go to Miyabigawa High School. I just don't think that he would be able to fit in there as well as he does when he is around Misaki. His brother, however, seems to be very creepy. Aside from his, what I assume to be, acting skills (hence scene with apple, though it would be hard to act like that), he seems to have some sort of grudge against Usui. It is slightly unnerving.
Naruto Chapter 503: OH MY GOSH! It is so cool. Minato knows immediately that Naruto is the Child of Prophecy, and he makes it possible for Naruto to become strong. He even knows Naruto is the only one who can defeat Madera. I never thought I would be saying this, but Minato is so cool!
Anyway, it is late here and I should go to bed now...

17 July 2010

Story News!

Okay, I have decided to post my Fan Fiction on here. I was originally going to make this post a random post updating on my story but I guess I decided to change my mind last minute. I will post my bios first and then add chapters later on.

First off, something I also posted n my quizilla account (as InuLoveKawaii13), I am going to do a Naruto Collection, all stories connected in some way or fashion. I am not sure how it will all be connected aside from the obvious all in Naruto portion, but oh well. I am also going to do a map out of the Kyuubi attack, which I just read the lastest chapter of Naruto on OneManga.com and have to say, it is getting quite interesting. I am so curious about how everything that is going to happen next! Anyways, back to what I was saying. I will copy and past what i said in my journal on Quizilla:

Tries. Tries again. Tries a third time.

Grrr! I can't copy and paste! Oh well, I will try to summarize in at the very least.

Ok: I will start making specials. I forgot Kiba's birthday, but I don't think I should make one just yet seeing as I just barely started the story. I plan on waiting to do Hinata's as I do not know what exactly is going on with her at the moment, seeing as nothing has been mentioned about her since her near (?) killing, though I think she is alive, seeing as Pain brought everyone he killed back to life, if not back to full health.

I will be doing my story in this order:
  • Kiba
  • Shikamaru
  • Chouji
  • Kakashi-san
  • Hinata (see above)

I plan on doing stories on the following as well:

  • Sakura
  • Shino
  • Sai
  • Kurenai-sensei (not romance; possibly short story)
  • Tsunade (not romance; possibly short story)
  • Ino
  • Lee
  • Neji
  • TenTen
  • Gaara
  • Temari
  • Kankuro
  • Sasuke (not likely to be romance)

Yeah! I got all that out! I am so excited about this! Anyway, later!

Ooo! I forgot! I have my braces off and now have retainers! Strangely, they are annoying yet entertaining at the same time. They also hurt my teeth sometimes....

03 July 2010

The Last Airbender

I say The Last Airbender today and I have to say, people are being pretty harsh. No one is taking into consideration that they had to condense at least a good twenty to thirty hours of a whole season of a televison series into two to two and a half hours of show. I think it was a decent movie. I believe it deserved a better rating that what I have heard it has recieved. Sure it was rushed and the humor was played down a bit by the characters and they may have changed things up a little bit, but it was MUCH, much better than Eragon had been. Now that is a movie that disappointed me. You don't want to get me started on it, either; none of my friends intentionally start my rant on that movie, nor the 4th Harry Potter movies, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

On another note, I got a new book today called McKettricks of Texas: Tate by Linda Lael Miller. It is good so far and I recommend it to ANYONE (who is over age 15 or sixteen). I am not sure about the content, persay, because I am only about 99 pages into the book, but I say it is good. I got it at the exchange and am quite glad I chose this one over One Night by Debbie Malcomer (I think that is her last name...). I still plan on reading that one when I eventually buy it. It it took me forever to choose. I chose this one because only one copy was left in the store and there was more than enough copies of One Night. I plan on getting the last two books. Kyaa! I am so excited for the seventh, too, and not just because of my braces. I have to recheck, but I believe that The Brazen Bride by Stephanie Laurens comes out that day! Kyaa, kyaa, kyaa.

Also, on a side note, you all HAVE to read this guy's poetry. He is one of my best friends and he is amazing (in my opinion). I had no idea he could write like this! He is surely talented. Please read his poetry!

www.teenink.com/users/brandon3607

02 July 2010

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Okay, so I am probably behind on the slow boat on this one, but I JUST saw the trailer for the Deathly Hallows two-part installment. I am SO excited now. Kyaa! If you go to YouTube and look it up, you can click and watch. I am so excited about it! I just hope they do not mess it up....

Since this is the second time I posted something today, I will just make it short.

Kyaa! I am just so excited!

Wah! Oh, the Cliffhangers!

Okay, I am totally fixated. I always end up reading mangas that leave me with cliffhangers left and right!

1. Rockin' Heaven

I am not happy that Ran and Sawa broke up. I understand why they did, I still think that the shouldn't have. I think Ran wanted to break up with Sawa so that he can mature more. He has been feeling like a burden to everyone around him and doesn't want to be like that. As for that Sugishita Haruko guy, I have no idea what to think of him. I mean, I think it is cool that he likes Sawa and all, but shouldn't he wish for her happiness instead? Kind of like how Kido and his sister did. But nope. I don't think Sugishita will actually get her, though. Sawa has already vowed to get Ran to like her even more, so I think that he is just out of lick in this situation.

With Akira-chan and Tsubaki, I was shocked to see him with an older woman. I don't know why but I just didn't think that he had a girlfriend. But I think that it won't last long, though. To be honest, he cares a lot about Ran and that might cause the two to become strained. They might also become forced to split by society itself. Or she might find a guy she will like more than Tsubaki-kun. I personally think that Akira and Tsubaki should get together. That is just me, though.

I was re-reading Chapter 21 on onemanga.com and couldn't help but notice that on page 3, in the upper right hand corner of the page, Sugishita looked like Kurosawa (?) Yamato from Suki-tte Ii na yo (Say I Love You). Especially the hair. Just an observation.

2. Naruto

Interesting how Kushina was the Kyuubi's host. Overall, the chapter really just explains how Kushina became the Kyuubi's host. But the interesting part was how Madera threatened Naruto's life so that he could take the Kyuubi from Kushina, and basically killing her. What I don't quite understand is how Minato managed to keep his cool long enough to seal Naruto and save the village. I mean, I know he is this super calm guy, but even the calmest of men (and women) have to loose there cool at least once. I think that if I was a guy and my kid and love was in danger, I would be trying to tell myself to keep calm while trying to beat the s*** out of the guy endangering them. I won't know until the next chapter how calm he was, but I am pretty sure anyone who knows about the Kyuubi attack on Konoha when Naruto was born knows that Minato was the one who sealed Naruto and saved the village from destruction.

I really wish that some of my mangas on onemanga.com would update a little faster. Like Love Berrish. That is an awesome manga, but it takes forever to update. As well as Watashi ni XX Shinasai. I love that one, but again, it takes forever to update. ARISA as well.

On a different note, I am finally getting my braces off! I am so excited. I can finally floss without a problem. They are coming of in five days, on July 7th. I have never been so excited -- ever. Except, maybe when entering high school... Oh, so many memories from that year. You know, it really defined me. I would not be the way I am without freshman year. And here I am, entering my junior year. It is really scary when I think about the fact that I am going to be taking SAT/ACT tests and picking colleges soon. Not only do I have to study, but I am also planning on going to the schools my friends don't plan on going to . As far as I know, no one is going to the east coast for college in my group of friends.

I should probably mention that you can find my stories at www.quizilla.teennick.com. My user name on there is InuLoveKawaii13 (same as here).

28 June 2010

Hey!

Hi! I am InuLoveKawaii13! I am a reader, anime and manga fan, and writer. I am currently in high school, but know roughly, if not exactly what I want ot do with my life: writing, just in case the title of my blog did not show you already. With this blog, I plan on presenting fanfiction summaries for my quizilla account (username is the same), manga rants (yes, I said rants), and just random babbling on my part, like I am now. I do not know how often I will be on, however...

Hope you enjoy the blog!